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The Treehorn Express Theme song: ‘Care for Kids’


Test for Pro-NAPLAN Politicians

This is a test for those politicians who have not said anything in their party rooms about NAPLAN;

or who support it by their silence;

or who reckon that $100million isn’t too much to waste on extra-testucation;

or who don’t care two hoots about their youngest constituents who don’t vote;

or who reckon that Australian kids had better get used to “test anxiety, asthma attacks, digestive problems, vomiting, sleep disruption, crying, refusing to go to school and feelings of failure” {NY parents survey} ;

or reckon that kids, like 7-8year-old Year 3s, had just better get used to being “stressed, nervous, exhausted, overwhelmed, and suffer from headache and stomach pains.” [NY Teachers survey]


  1. HISTORY: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical aspects and its impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.
  2. MEDICINE You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture your work until it has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.
  3. PUBLIC SPEAKING 2,600 riot-crazed Taliban fighters are storming the test room. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
  4. MUSIC Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate andperfrom it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your chair.
  5. EDUCATION Develop a fool-proof and inexpensive system of education that will meet the needs of all segments of society. Convince both this school’s faculty and the rioting students outside to accept it. Limit yourself to the vocabulary found in the Dick and Dora Reading Series.
  6. PSYCHOLOGY Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degrees of adjustment and repressed frustrations of the following : Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramesis II, Gregory of Myssa and Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man’s works, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.
  7. SOCIOLOGY Estimate the sociological problems that might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
  8. BIOLOGY Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had been developed 500 million years ago, with special attention to the probable effects on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.
  9. ENGINEERING The dissembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box near your desk. Nearby, you will find an instruction manual printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your actions.
  10. POLITICAL SCIENCE  There is a red telephone on you desk. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.
  11. EPISTEMOLOGY Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.
  12. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE Describe in detail your general knowledge. Be objective and specific.

Appreciate how the kids feel?  Feeling good?  Feeling motivated ?  You’ll get your score in six months and it will be published on a MyElectorate site. Enjoy the meantime!


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Maintained by outstanding NZ educator, Allan Alach

Phil Cullen AM,FACE, FACEL

41 Cominan Avenue

Banora Point

Australia 2486

07 5524 6443


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